


Just For Me

by romulusgloriosus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: "Meat" Roxy, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Transgender, Transmasc Roxy Lalonde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22952368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romulusgloriosus/pseuds/romulusgloriosus
Summary: In a better Earth C, a new relationship blooms between June Egbert and Roxy Lalonde.
Relationships: June Egbert/Roxy Lalonde
Comments: 18
Kudos: 41





	Just For Me

June Egbert looks herself over in the mirror. Her blue eyeshadow and lipstick look fantastic, and somehow she’s actually managed to tame her cowlick to make her hair look somewhat stylish, but she can’t help but notice the way the white sundress she’s wearing looks so out of place on her body. Her sharp shoulders don’t hold the straps the way they should, and her strong, masculine arms covered in dark hair make her recoil. The way her stomach bulges beneath the dress – seven years of depression with no exercise can do that even to an immortal god – only adds to the general feeling like she shouldn’t look like this, and that the decision to present this way was all a mistake. Maybe she should just forget the whole thing and put a suit on instead, or her old god tier outfit. Pretend like she was never June Egbert and just go back to being the other guy. Roxy wouldn’t care. Roxy would like her no matter what she called herself. Maybe all of this was a mistake, and...

VRISREZISPRITE: JUN3 YOU LOOK 48SOLUT3LY 1NCR3D18L3!!!!!!!!

June looks back at the shimmering blue chimera composed of two of her oldest friends – the trolls Vriska Serket and Terezi Pyrope – who guided June’s alternate universe nanna Jane Crocker in her Void session. Since arriving on Earth C, Jane has taken up a detective business solving mysteries around the kingdoms. Usually it just involves finding lost hats for salamanders, but it’s fun. Vrisrezisprite usually helps, but today she is here with June, helping her get ready for a big date.

JUNE: are you sure vris rezi sprite? won’t people just laugh at me if i go out looking like this?  
VRISREZISPRITE: WHO FUCK1NG C4R3S???????? DONT L3T OTH3R P3OPL3 T3LL YOU HOW YOUR3 SUPPOS3D TO LOOK!!!!!!!!  
VRISREZISPRITE: YOU CR38D TH1S WORLD SO YOU G3T TO M4K3 TH3 RUL3S 4ND 1F YOU W4NT TO 83 4 G1RL TH3N YOUR3 4 FUCK1NG G1RL JUN3 3G83RT!!!!!!!!

June smiles at Vrisrezisprite, who flashes her a big toothy grin in return. She turns to look back in the mirror.

VRISREZISPRITE: FORG3TT1NG 4LL OF TH3 8ULLSH1T TH4T P3OPL3 M1GHT S4Y OR TH1NK  
VRISREZISPRITE: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK 48OUT HOW YOU LOOK >:?  
JUNE: i...i like it. i like it a lot, actually. ugh, i know that i’m a girl and that i can look any way i want, but roxy just does the boy thing so well, you know? if you’re not really looking you’d confuse him for dave. nobody would ever confuse me for jade or jane. they would just think i’m jake in a dress for one of the hilarious gags on his shows!  
VRISREZISPRITE: Y34H THOS3 G4GS SUCK 4ND 4R3 1N POOR T4ST3  
VRISREZISPRITE: 8UT WH8TV3R!!!!!!!! MY PO1NT 1S YOU DONT H4V3 TO LOOK L1K3 J4D3 OR J4N3 OR 3V3N K4N4Y4 TO LOOK L1K3 4 G1RL  
VRISREZISPRITE: YOU JUST H4V3 TO DO YOUR OWN TH1NG  
VRISREZISPRITE: 4CTU4LLY  
VRISREZISPRITE: HMMMMMMMM  
VRISREZISPRITE: WH8T 1F........ >:?

Vrisrezisprite shoots a mystical blue beam at June, and a stylish denim jacket with the combined Scorpibra symbol patched on appears above the sundress. It’s a little on-the-nose, but it covers June’s shoulders and arms while still showing off the pretty white dress beneath it and leaves her feeling relieved, feminine, and even a little bit

VRISREZISPRITE: S3XY!!!!!!!!  
JUNE: you think so?  
VRISREZISPRITE: 48SOLUT3LY!!!!!!!! JUN3 3G83RT 1 PROM1S3 YOU TH4T 1F YOU W3R3NT GO1NG ON 4 D8 R1GHT NOW 4ND 1 W4SNT H4PP1LY HUM4N M4RR13D TO MYS3LF 1D 4SK YOU OUT R1GHT H3R3 4ND NOW >;]

June giggles and looks away. There’s always been a bit of “what if” between her and both parts of the sprite in front of her which makes that compliment mean a little more than it would coming from, say, Kanaya, but she decides to just give a big smile and throw her arms around the shimmering construct.

JUNE: you’re the best, vris rezi sprite!!!!!!!!  
VRISREZISPRITE: YOU C4N S4Y TH4T 4G41N >:]  
VRISREZISPRITE: NO R34LLY YOU C4N S4Y 1T 4G41N  
JUNE: you’re the best, vris rezi sprite!!!!!!!!  
VRISREZISPRITE: NOW GO KNOCK H1M D34D!!!!!!!!

********

Given that nobody had the silly idea to insert capitalism into a post-scarcity society on Earth C, nobody ever decided that cars were a good idea either. Regular people of all the species get around by aptly placed transportalizers. The Gods, barring their troll spouses, have the ability to fly. June is the only one who “drives” a car, either out of a sense of nostalgia or just because she can. Which would be a perfectly harmless eccentricity to have, if it weren’t for the fact that there is nowhere on the entire planet to park.

June’s broken down white car lands smack dab in the middle of the street in downtown New Prospit. Carapacians carrying newspapers and briefcases scuffle out of the way shooting dirty looks at June as they pass. June waves and apologizes profusely as she gets out of the car, and the people all squint in response, half recognizing and not recognizing the person stepping out of the vehicle. One of the Carapacians asks if it’s one of the Creators. Another says they saw a Creator just a few minutes earlier stepping into the cafe. Two Creators? In the same cafe? What are the odds? Another Carapacian mentions that they remember two Creators going to this cafe for a date not too long ago. Whoever runs that cafe must be awfully proud of themselves, one last bystander says firmly.

June steps into the cafe and sees Roxy sitting calmly at a table by the window, dressed in his Void hoodie and iconic heart-shaped sunglasses, munching on a complimentary breadstick while scrolling on his smartphone. He always pulls off that cool, devil-may-care attitude so much better than any Strider ever could, June thinks to herself. The last time she was in this cafe with Roxy, she felt intimidated. It’s possible that this time she feels even more so.

Roxy gives a cursory look over towards the entrance and gives June a smile full of delight. He puts down the complimentary breadstick and runs over to throw his arms around her.

ROXY: juney!!! juney juney juney juney juney juney juney juney juney juney juney  
JUNE: hi!  
ROXY: omg u look so GOOD girl hopy shit just...look at u! look at u!!!

June laughs and looks down. She can feel her face burning hot under Roxy’s adoring gaze. The positive attention definitely makes her feel a whole lot better about her appearance and her outfit, but her stomach still feels like it’s about to explode from nerves. She does a stupid little pose for her date.

JUNE: you really like it?  
ROXY: hubba HUBBA is all im saying l m a o  
ROXY: cmon lets go sit down i got us a big salad to start

Two of the Creators of the Universe step over to their table. Roxy’s sunglasses have slid down to the edge of his nose and he can’t keep his dazzling pink eyes off of June. The Carapacians in the cafe also can’t keep their eyes off of June - and Roxy too - as they try their hardest to figure out where they’ve seen these two humans before. The special today is a Potato Gnocchi.

JUNE: so...do you want the Potato Gnocchi?  
ROXY: juney i cant believe how amazing u look  
ROXY: i srsly think im gonna cry i cant believe you dressed up like this just for me  
ROXY: u even did ur makeup!!!  
ROXY: ok no rly im sorry im actually gonna cry now  
ROXY: *rly cryin* :’)  
JUNE: no! roxy it’s ok! i think it’s really sweet that you’re so impressed but like....

June swallows and takes a deep breath.

JUNE: to be honest...i kind of did it more for me than for you?

A tear falls down Roxy’s cheek onto the chewed complimentary breadstick. He reaches over for his napkin and dabs his eyes. He reaches out and hovers his hand over June’s, checking to see if it’s ok. When June smiles and nods, he takes it.

ROXY: u dont know how much it means to me to hear u say that tho  
ROXY: remember the last time we were here?  
JUNE: of course i do...it wasn’t that long ago, really.  
ROXY: but i was talkin about gender then. i was still tryin to figure out this nonbinary thing and u  
ROXY: lmao  
ROXY: i dunno i shouldnt speak for u but it seemed like u didnt really know what u were gonna do either  
JUNE: no...no i really had no idea.  
ROXY: and i just made some stupid comment about having to put on my face and makeup and u said

June sighs. It wasn’t that long ago that June and Roxy had their lunch date, but it was apparently long enough ago that June had forgotten her naive little quip.

JUNE: ...that you didn’t have to put on make-up just for me.  
ROXY: yea!!! and i said “lol i do it for me” and now here u r sayin the SAME THING back to me!  
JUNE: it’s strange, isn’t it?  
ROXY: nah

Roxy squeezes June’s hand.

ROXY: its perfect imo  
ROXY: its how it should b

A carapacian in a fancy waiter’s vest and no pants arrives with the big salad and puts it down in front of them. He asks if they’re ready to order their main entree. Roxy asks for more breadsticks and says that he’s just going to stick with the salad for now, and June asks for the Potato Gnocchi. The carapacian writes it all down on a little notepad and steps away. Roxy instantly gets to work piling salad onto his plate.

JUNE: i’m really excited about this Potato Gnocchi!  
ROXY: so did vrisrezisprite help you pick your outfit  
JUNE: oh, yeah. i mean, i did my make-up...using on-line tutorials...and i picked out the white sun dress.  
ROXY: but she picked out that rad denim jacket rite???  
JUNE: you could tell by the patch?  
ROXY: o man i didnt even notice the cool patch!!! thats whats up lmao! it just seemed like her kind of thing is all

There’s a pause. Roxy waves the hand holding his salad fork.

ROXY: not that it cant be ur thing too! i mean i dont really know what ur thing is yet...technically this is my first time meeting the real u!

June smiles. She squeezes Roxy’s hand that’s holding hers. Not that the whole date isn’t absolutely mortifying on so many levels, but the words “the real you” leaves her feeling all the more terrified. Who is the real her? Is June Egbert the real her? What if she really does just go back to being the other guy...tomorrow? The next day? What if she can’t face Dave? Rose? Roxy and Vrisrezisprite are one thing because they both know a thing or two about this new world of transing your gender, but...what about everyone else?

What if June can’t be June?

ROXY: juney im rly sorry i rly do love the jacket  
JUNE: no! no, roxy, it’s not the jacket. ok it’s kind of the jacket. it’s the whole thing. it’s me! it’s...june. the real me.  
ROXY: what about u?

Roxy looks at her with concern. He doesn’t even take another bite of his salad, which sits forlornly on his fork speared alongside a crispy crouton.

JUNE: i don’t know. there’s so much i’m just not sure about.

June looks around at all of the black and white faces of the chess guys who are staring at her inquisitively, all of them just on the verge of realizing who is looking back at them.

JUNE: i don’t know if i want to talk about it here. can we...go?

Roxy looks down at his salad and the unfinished breadstick and back at his date.

ROXY: but wait wat about the Potato Gnocchi  
JUNE: forget the Potato Gnocchi. i just...don’t want to be here with all these people looking at us right now.  
ROXY: say no more

Roxy lifts a hand and motions for the carapacian in the waiter’s vest and no pants.

ROXY: garçon if u would bring us the cheque s'il vous plait  
ROXY: my lovely date is not feelin well and we will be takin our leave lol

The Carapacian asks about the Potato Gnocchi. Roxy lets the Carapacian know that they will not be having the Potato Gnocchi. The Carapacian understands, and brings them the check, which is $0, because capitalism doesn’t exist and everything is free. The Carapacian is just being a waiter because it’s fun to wear the waiter vest and act like a waiter. Wouldn’t you want to do that, if you were a chess guy? I think you would.

The two of them step outside to where the car is “parked” and Roxy stops June as she is about to head towards the driver’s seat.

ROXY: hey can i drive?  
JUNE: roxy...you know it’s not a real working car, right?  
ROXY: yea i no but i want to try somethin lol  
JUNE: ok...if you’re sure....

Roxy gets into the driver seat as June gets into the passenger seat. Roxy grins and tells June to buckle up, who only decides to humor him after seeing the adorable smile on his face. 

The two of them and their car vanish from the spot as if it was never there at all. The Carapacians stare in astonishment. I guess that must have been at least one of the Creators, suggests one. Was it Miss Harley or Lalonde, ponders another, knowing a thing or two about Creator Lore. After a few spirited discussions and theories, they decide to go on with their day.

********

The car reappears on an overlook high above a human city. It’s night time now, suggesting that they must have shifted to a spot on Earth C on the other side of the planet. Stars shimmer in the night sky. There’s no one else around.

JUNE: i always forget you can do that....  
ROXY: yea sometimes i gotta do the voidy thing to impress cute girls

He grins.

ROXY: did it work lol

June looks down sadly.

ROXY: guess not  
JUNE: it’s not you, roxy. this is all very sweet and you’ve done such a good job making me feel validated and wanted and i really am having a great time....

Roxy leans on the steering wheel and removes his glasses from his face, sticking the edges between his teeth.

ROXY: but  
JUNE: but....

She sighs and throws her arms up in the air in exasperation.

JUNE: but...but...BUT!!!!!!!!  
ROXY: but wat juney  
JUNE: but am i even june? what if this is just some dumb thing and not even true? what if i just thought “oh hey i repress all my feelings” “oh hey i don’t ever think about anything” “oh hey vris rezi sprite says that’s how SHE was way back before SHE realized she was a girl, so maybe i’m just a girl?”  
ROXY: yea?  
JUNE: what if i’m not a girl? what if i’m just depressed?  
ROXY: juney...do u still want me to call u juney  
JUNE: ...yes.  
ROXY: juney, it doesnt matter if ur a girl or not  
ROXY: like i get it  
ROXY: i get that u want to feel authentic and valid and rly real but like  
ROXY: it rly is ALL about u  
ROXY: like the make-up lol  
ROXY: i like feelin like a boy u no but i dunno if id CALL myself a boy u feel  
ROXY: its not as easy as that i still got lots of “girly” parts about me and i love those too lol  
ROXY: and u can still have lots of “boy” parts about u that u like and still be a girl  
ROXY: or u can just not call urself a girl at all! u can just be june!!!  
ROXY: the whole point of the gender stuff is to just like feel it out u no and see wats good  
ROXY: the old world is over and this is a new one where we can decide that kind of thing  
ROXY: thats it u no

Roxy laughs.

ROXY: am i MANSPLAININ to u rite now O M G  
JUNE: no!

June smiles.

JUNE: actually...would it make you feel better if i said yes?  
ROXY: L M A O  
ROXY: cmere  
ROXY: if u want i mean

June goes in for a hug. Despite his relatively casual appearance, Roxy did take the time to put on a pretty amazing smelling cologne. The smell pushes June to stick her face into the side of Roxy’s hood a little more, and his squeeze only tightens. Roxy holds June silently in his arms for a minute, their rising and falling breaths soothing her and calming her anxiety. All that matters is that Roxy is here. All that matters is that Roxy understands. June doesn’t have to put on appearances or try to be someone she’s not. They’re both trying to figure this out, and they’ll figure it out together.

JUNE: roxy?  
ROXY: yea  
JUNE: thanks for being so nice and supportive  
ROXY: r u kiddin im over the moon to be here with u  
ROXY: the first time i saw u back on derse i was so mesmerized by u june  
ROXY: but when i saw u in that cafe today  
ROXY: there are no words  
ROXY: i rly like u a lot june  
ROXY: and....

He pulls away from the hug and tugs a lock of his perfectly styled hair behind his ear.

ROXY: it just means a lot that i get to like the real u  
ROXY: whoever thats gonna wind up bein lol  
ROXY: and i hope that mb...mb u might....

June's eyes soften looking at Roxy. That cool kid in the restaurant munching the breadstick is long gone now. Despite every muscle in Roxy’s face trying as hard as possible to stay neutral, it’s clear that there’s a wellspring of emotion threatening to break free. 

ROXY: mb u might like the real me too....  
ROXY: whoever thats gonna wind up being....  
ROXY: ...lol?

Roxy’s voice breaks. There’s real and obvious nervousness emanating from him now. 

JUNE: roxy?  
ROXY: yea  
JUNE: can i kiss you?

Roxy puts a hand on each of June’s cheeks, his pink eyes swimming with tears as he looks deep into June’s blue ones. June puts one of her hands on Roxy’s as well, and smiles at him.

ROXY: im so glad u asked lol


End file.
